


Min Yoongi and the Slow Descent Into Madness

by Jeenius_the_Dork



Category: Miraculous Ladybug, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: BamBam makes a cameo, Basically what if Yoongi gets the Jungkook treatment and accidentally eats Namjoon's food, But also if you're a little kid and reading fanfiction like this...i don't know what to tell you, Do people in that fandom even know who BTS are?, Hence why everything about it thus far is majorly fucked up, I don't actually like Miraculous Ladybug., I must formally apologize to all the ARMY's out there, Motionless Min strikes again, Pointless shenanigans, Reference to Jr, Suga's savage af, To all the little kiddies that like Mirakoolus Ladyboog watch out for the swear words, You guys have no idea how much I'm laughing because of this, this is not going to end well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-07-24 15:47:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7514119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeenius_the_Dork/pseuds/Jeenius_the_Dork
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoongi forgot that the chicken nuggets shouldn't be consumed. BTS' swaggiest rapper suddenly finds himself thrown into the world of Mirakoolus Ladyboog, an offbrand 90's cartoon that someone found in the dumpster and put on Nickelodeon. </p><p>Suga's too old for this bullshit.</p><p> </p><p>(Based off the JelloApocalypse version of Miraculous Ladybug)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cue the cries of fangirls and the pained laughter of an author. 
> 
> Why hello there, fellow ARMY's and people that watch Miraculous Ladybug. Welcome to the crossover you wished would never exist. You know, like that Ouran and BTS fnafiction I made. (It's really bad.) Well I hate to break it to you but this will essentially be the exact same tone. Also known as, I'm about to fuck up a cartoon.
> 
> Someone please send this to Bad Fanfiction.

Min Yoongi forgot the one golden rule about the BTS dorm. Don't eat the nuggets. After the fiasco with Jungkook and his weird anime dream, all the boys decided it would be a bad idea to eat Namjoon's nuggets. However, all the boys forgot about the nuggets after going to another Weekly Idol session of Yoongi and Seokjin being ignored. So when the boys returned, Yoongi foolishly ate the chicken-y goodness. 

He went for another one of his famous 20 hour naps, not knowing the consequences of his slumber. 

-

Yoongi woke up to a blindingly bright light filling his bedroom. Keep in mind Min Yoongi is not a morning person, or a being awake person in general. He hates being woken up. Just before he could begin cussing out the sun Yoongi realized he was not in his dorm room and Jin wasn't there. Was he even in South Korea anymore? The radio beside his bed said otherwise, blaring some incomprehensible 'music'. 

Oh ew was that French? What the hell was french music doing here? Also why were they singing about cats and ladybugs? 

That was the moment Yoongi decided he didn't like French music. Especially French EDM music. 

Deciding to ignore his better judgement, Yoongi did not question anything further and started to get ready for his day - whatever it was he was about to do with his day. Yoongi opened the closest drawer to him, finding clothing he would normally have approved of. So life wasn't being a complete bitch at the moment. Thanks life. 

He grabbed all the essentials and walked into the very obvious looking bathroom in front of his tiny body. Well...tinier than before. 

Wait a minute...

"Why the fuck am I a child?" Yoongi asked. 

Unfortunately for the swaggiest rapper in South Korea, he was now a small 15 year old again. Thankfully he did not have that ridiculous haircut from his audition, but he was 15 and that sucked balls. 

Not that Yoongi sucks anyone's balls. _nervous laughter_

Knowing that nothing he did would help his situation, Yoongi took the most pointless shower for life. The details do not need to be made. 

After his extremely pointless shower, Yoongi walked down the stairs to an unusually empty house. He guessed the other boys weren't with him, for whatever reason, and since his parents were in South Korea that could only mean he was living alone in this strange country. There were many problems with that statement but Yoongi was sure no one was going to question it because fuck logic. 

The moment Yoongi thought about food he suddenly realized what was happening. He ate Namjoon's nuggets...chicken nuggets. The dipshit got drugs in the chicken and now he was on an acid trip. 

So this is how Suga's perfect son felt when he was drugged by Namjoon. 

"I'm going to kill Namjoon." Yoongi decided. When he would kill Namjoon was a good question. Who knew how long this acid trip would last. Hopefully not forever, Yoongi was already hating it in wherever he was. 

Forgetting about food, Yoongi walked over to the front door. He noticed a schoolbag and a pair of red hightop Converse and groaned.

Converse. 

Converse. 

Yoongi hates Converse. 

**AN: Seriously though, why did they make a song about Converse?**

He pulled them onto his feet anyways, slug the bad over his shoulder and opened the door. He stepped outside, shielding his eyes from the bright light. If only Yoongi had sunglasses. 

Now Yoongi isn't a dumbass. It was a mistake to eat the chicken nuggets but Yoongi knew he was supposed to go to school f he was a young teenager. He looked to his right to fin a large school with some kind o writing he was sure he couldn't understand. Sighing, the Korean rapper dragged his feet towards the school, mumbling curse words towards Namjoon and whoever else made this horrible thing happen. 

Before he could brood any longer, some bumbling idiot of a girl came running by, tripping over absolutely nothing and crashing into Yoongi. Poor Min Yoongi still had twig-like legs and came crashing down along with the idiot girl. 

"Watch where you're going." Yoongi yelled, ready to rain fire and death upon whoever knocked him over. 

"Sorry. I'm really clumsy." the idiot girl replied, picking herself up off of Yoongi and by default the ground. 

"No fucking shit." Yoongi muttered, slowly standing up himself. 

"What was that? By the way my name is Marionette. Are you the new kid?" asked the idiot girl, now dubbed Marionette. 

"Again. No fucking shit." Yoongi replied, slightly louder this time. 

Marionette ignored Yoongi's harsh language because she was more interested at looking at Yoongi's beautiful face. I mean, who wouldn't be mesmerized by the beauty of Min Yoongi, the ultimate bias wrecker of BTS? 

Marionette thought that the new boy, who had grey hair for some reason, was more beautiful than her previous crush Brady Bunch...well Adrien but I think we all know that the fashion disaster is actually named Brady Bunch. I'm reffering to him as Brady Bunch. Nothing you say can make me stop. 

"The fuck you looking at?" asked Yoongi, weirded out by the fact this bitch was staring at him. 

"You're hot...I MEAN LET'S GO TO SCHOOL I CAN LEAD YOU THERE!" Marionette yelled. 

"You've already proved that you can't walk on a flat surface without screwing it up and the school is right there. Why the hell would I need your help?" asked Yoongi. 

Marionette giggled in a way she thought was cute, but in reality just pissed off Yoongi ever more than before. Yoongi began walking away without any more words, tired of the bullshit he was receiving from the girl. He wanted to get this acid trip over with and really didn't feel like being hit on by annoying teenage girls. 

Yoongi crossed the street and walked up the steps to the school he's be spending his life in for the next however long the drugs stay in effect. Again, he was going to kill Namjoon. The other students stared at him, probably wondering why a Korean boy with grey hair and an angry expression was walking into the school, or maybe wondering why Marionette was following him like a lost puppy...or they way she followed Brady Bunch. Whatever works for you. 

Yoongi walked into the office, boredly looking at the secretary. "I'm Min Yoongi. New here." he deadpanned. 

"Dope. Here's your schedule, Suga." the secretary replied, winking at Yoongi. 

He stared at the brownish haired secretary shocked, who only replied with a shrug before returning to non-stop typing on the computer. Now that he thought about it, the secretary was a little young to be a secretary? Was she 18 or something? 

Yoongi ignored all these important questions, hearing the bell ringing. He groaned and made his way over to his first class. Miss Bustybuns or something was his first teacher. And who knows what was going to happen there. 

Yoongi opened the door to the classroom, walking inside while scanning the classroom for an empty seat. Unfortunately there only one was on the other side of the room and everyone was already watching him. 

Fuck. 

"Ah. You must be the new student. Why don't you introduce yourself?" Ms Bustybuns said. 

Yoongi walked into the middle of the classroom with a dead look in his eyes. The dead look matched how he felt in the depths of his soul. Dead. 

"Yoongi." he said, trying to walk away. 

"Can you tell us about yourself Yoongi?" Ms Bustybuns asked. 

"I'm South Korean. And rapper. Most importantly, I don't give a shi-" 

"Thank you Yoongi. That's enough." Bustybuns said, interrupting Yoongi's final comment. 

Yoongi walked to the back of the class sitting beside some girl with a really stupid looking hair-do. Who the hell was pigtails on the side with a larger pony tail on the back? Also was she looking at him weirdly just like the idiot from before...Puppet or whatever her name was. 

My god was this going to be the worst experience of his life. 


	2. Old Men Unite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoongi meets someone he feels a spiritual connection to. 
> 
> A grandpa.
> 
>  
> 
> Why the fuck can this rock talk? And we're not talking about Dwayne Johnson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that 30 people have read this pains me. The fact that a BTS fanfiction that I'm not taking seriously at all causes me actual pain.

**I have created art.**

After an hour and a half of Yoongi thinking of multiple ways to kill Namjoon while he should have been listening to the lady talking at the front of the classroom, he was finally allowed his freedom. For about ten seconds because Yoongi's good looks were once again cursing him. 

Just about every single girl in the class were drooling over him and trying to get his attention, well not the weird Tumblr blogger girl. She was...she was video taping him from a long distance away. Yoongi couldn't decide which was worse, probably the Tumblr blogger. 

Yoongi ignored the drooling fangirls and pushed past all of them. It's not like any of these girls knew who BTS were, they were people imagined by his drug induced state. Also, for the record, Yoongi just doesn't give a shit. 

His escape was halted when some blonde bitch started talking to him in a really condescending tone. Whatever she was saying was going through one ear and flying out the other, and Yoongi tried to continue walking. Unfortunately, this bitch didn't take the hint and latched herself onto his arm - even going as far as to try to kiss him. 

MY GOD where was security when you needed them?!

Out of nowhere, a whistle was blown, sending the students scattering. All there was left was Yoongi, frozen in fear, and the blonde bitch who looked pissed but thankfully stopped. The person who blew the whistle stepped out of the shadows to reveal the secretary from before, grinning madly. She strolled over to the two teenager and plucked the blonde bitch off of Yoongi's arm. 

"Run along, kid and stop sexually harassing other students. This is your only warning." The secretary said, sounding anything but amused despite the grin she wore. 

"exCUse you. I am the mayor's daughter and you can't speak to me like that, you lOW LIFe!" Blonde bitch said. 

"First of all, Dave and the Mayor would never stoop that low. Also, I wouldn't act like that. After all, I can end your life with a few clicks of a keyboard. Most importantly of all, I don't give a shit. Have a nice day." the secretary said, with the grin rowing more sinister by the second. 

Blondie opened her mouth to say something again, but was interrupted by a fit of chocking. Yoongi glanced down at the phone in the secretary's hands and took note of her expression. There was definitely something weird about the secretary, he couldn't deny that. She did save his ass from the bitch so he didn't really care that much. 

Blondie then mysteriously disappeared into the void, leaving he secretary and Yoongi alone in the hallway. She looked up from her phone and turned towards Yoongi with a much nicer expression than before. 

"I'm sorry I had to put you through that. Sorry about this whole thing in general actually. This is my only form of entertainment in my life, even if it means accidentally ruining yours." the girl rambled. 

Yoongi cocked his head in confusion, not really understanding where any of this was coming from. It was almost like his acid trip was some shitty fanfiction or something. **loud sarcastic laughter**. 

"Anyways, I gotta get back to work. See you around Yoongi." she said, before allowing him to ask anything. The girl then disappeared like the blonde bitch from earlier did, but Yoongi knew this one had a better fate than the blonde bitch...maybe. Who knows maybe Blondie's about to become some idiot in a bee suit. 

Whoops. 

Trying to ignore everything else that happened, Yoongi decided to walk outside. I know guys, Yoongi walking is a strange concept to grasp, but everything is going kind of strange for him right now. He didn't really care about whatever class he had to be in, mostly because he was supposed to be twenty fucking three and shouldn't have to deal with this bullshit anymore. Also it was physical education and Yoongi was going to have none of that. He wanted to be a rock in his next life so he'd never have to move, so why the hell would Yoongi want the do the _Fitnessgram Pacer Test is a multi step aerobatic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues._

Yoongi sat down on a park bench that just casually appeared in front of himself, ready to fall asleep. Well he technically was already asleep so...sleepception? But that's not really important nor do we need to debate this. His nap was interrupted by someone clearing their throat beside him. 

Now Yoongi didn't really care if it was a teacher, nor did he think it was the admin because the only person he saw in the office was the weird girl who knew his stage name. He opened his eyes to find an old Asian man sitting beside him with a carefree look on his face...staring at him. 

"What the fuck?" Yoongi blurted out. Way to make an impression, Suga. 

"Hello, young man. Shouldn't you be at school?" the man asked, ignoring Yoongi's language. 

"No." Yoongi deadpanned. It was too early for an old man to be lecturing him about how he should be in school despite being a twenty fucking three year old, by international age at least. _By Korean age he's probably 24 or something._ It was too early for any bullshit really. 

"Oh whoopsie doopsie. My mistake, young man. My old man mind must be going crazy." the old man said. 

Yoongi had no idea what this crazy old man was talking about. Seriously what the fuck? 

"It's a nice day for a walk. Too bad I'm so old I can't walk very far without my legs feeling like they're going to break in 17 different places and cause my death." the old man said. 

"I know right?" Yoongi agreed, sitting up slightly straighter. Not too straight, that wouldn't look swaggy. 

"How old are you, young man. You really don't look like you have room to talk?" the man asked. 

"I'm twenty three!" Yoongi replied, annoyed he looked like a fetus. Well maybe not a fetus. That goes to Jungkook. 

Poor, sweet innocent Jungkook. What was Yoongi going to do without his precious perfect **son**. That's right. I said son. Yoongi thinks of Jungkook like a son guys. Stop shipping them. 

"Holy fuck you look like a fetus!" yelled the old man. 

Not phased at all by the old man's outburst Yoongi continued to wonder what was happening with Jungkook. Also what was happening with the other members...mostly Jungkook though. Maybe Jungkook would beat up Rap Monster for forgetting to throw out the nuggets...and still be pissed that Rap Monster fed him drugged chicken nuggets. 

The Korean rapper started thinking about ways to kill Namjoon yet again, while the old man watched him. The old man was begging to become unsettling even though Yoongi felt a spiritual connection with the man. So basically Yoongi was a dad and a grandpa at the exact same time. 

"What exactly are you doing, young man?" asked the old man. 

"Not plotting a murder. Nope. I'm thinking about song lyrics...about a super awesome swaggy rapper killing his bandmate and leader for drugging their sweet innocent youngest member and stupidly forgetting to get rid of the nuggets before a trip to a talk show full of assholes who ignore this swaggy rapper, and ultimately causes the swaggy rapper to eat the nuggets and have a dream about annoying idiots and a creep girl." Yoongi replied. 

Smooth as sandpaper. 

"Wowie zowie that sounds like a wonderful song. I would listen to it 14 times in a row every day." the old man replied, pulling out a pair of hipster sunglasses and putting them over his eyes. No one knows what this man is trying to accomplish right now, but whatever it is I'm sure it's out of character. 

"What's your name, young man?" asked the old man. 

"Yoongi." Yoongi replied. 

"Well it was nice to chat with you, Yoongi. I must be off. Good bye." the old man said, producing a cane out of his back pocket and walking away. How long was that cane there, who knows. No one really wants to know where that thing has been. 

Yoongi watched the old man walk away, wondering what the ever loving fuck just happened, but stopped questioning it less than a minute later because he remembered that he didn't care. This was a fucking acid trip so why should he be questioning anything. Yoongi was pretty sure he had thought that about one hundred times already, not that he was counting or anything. 

Shut up. 

Having no idea how long he's been talking to that old man, Yoongi stood up and began walking back towards the school. He could hear some other students shouting form the large field out back so he assumed that classes were still going on. Either that or someone was getting brutally murdered. 

Instead of going back to school like a deaged twenty three year old should, Suga decided to go back to his temporary home. It's not like anyone could make him go back to school. What? Were they going to tell his non-existent parents (in this world) about how he was skipping school. Oh the tragedy of it all! How would he ever live with himself with his non-existent parents being disappointed in him. 

Yoongi was no stranger to that concept anyways. His parents never approved of his dream. They never supported the idea of him becoming a rapper or producing music. Everything he said during the Epilogue concert about and to his parents came from the bottom of his heart. He truly hoped that he was a son they could approve of. 

And that's why he needed to snap out of this monstrosity and get back to producing more music for BTS and writing more music. He didn't have time to waste on this fictional insult to France. 

Yoongi entered his predictably empty house, slamming the door shut. He walked over to he fluffy couch and flopped down on it with a relaxed sigh. This time he was going to take that much needed nap that he wanted. 

Sadly, life had other plans for Yoongi. He heard screams of pure terror and destruction going on in the background. Groaning, Yoongi rolled off the couch and walked over to the window to see what was going on outside. 

Some asshole wearing clothing that looked like what you'd see on a bootlegged version of Dragon Ball Z was flying around outside breaking buildings for no apparent reason and laughing about something. At first, you'd think it's Namjoon because he clearly does not know how to dress himself properly (see the Baepsae dance practice video for proof) but that was highly ( **heh...high...** ) because the idiot was not in Yoongi's dream. He tried to guess what the fuck was going on, but nothing came to the swaggy rapper's mind. 

Yoongi walked back over to the couch, suddenly remembering he had a nap to take rather than getting into the business of someone who wanted to take over the universe...or steal jewelry off children, whatever works for you. Right before he sat down, Yoongi noticed a small red octagonal box sitting on the table in front of him. Where did it come from, where'd it go? Where'd it come from Cotton Eye Joe? _starts playing intense fiddle_

Shaking his head and trying to get whatever that song was out of him mind, Yoongi picked the box up and opened it. Inside the box was a single drab grey chain. Probably worth $3. Yoongi wondered what purpose this could possibly have, and again where it came from because he definitely did not have it this morning. All his questions were about to be answered.

Out of nowhere an anthropomorphic rock with wings came flying out of the chain and nearly nailed Yoongi in the head. Motionless Min decided not to be Motionless Min and was able to dodge the metaphorical bullet and literal rock, before anything could happen. He quickly moved his head towards the direction of the rock, who was cursing in Mandarin for whatever reason. The rock shook it's head and turned it's attention to Yoongi, who was watching it with an unreadable expression. 

"Holy fuck it's been so long since I got out of that thing. You must be Yoongi. Sup?" the rock asked. That's right. The motherfucking rock was talking. 

Yoongi blinked a couple of times, trying to comprehend the current situation. He opened his mouth as to say something but quickly shut it again. He looked between the rock and the couch and back to the rock, trying to decide what he should do. Whatever choice he made was going to be his priorities. 

Yoongi flopped on the couch and tried to get take his nap. 

"Hey! I was talking to you! Holy shit teenagers these days are so rude." the rock said, floating over to the boy who was currently feigning sleep. 

"Wake up!" the rock yelled. 

That was the rock's first mistake. You **never** wake up Min Yoongi. Ever. No matter if he was really asleep or not. It's the golden rule of the BTS dorm...after not eating the nuggets. Yoongi's eyes flew open and grabbed the rock. His face had the fury of 1000 rage snakes and with a menacing tone he whispered, "Don't you ever fucking wake me up ever again. What the fuck do you want, rock?" 

"Weeeeell...that guy you probably saw destroying the city. I need you to help Cat Nerd and Ladybubs fight 'em." the rock stuttered. 

Yoongi's hand connecting with his face momentarily, choosing to slowly drag it down with multiple annoyed, pained sounds. The rock didn't really know what to do. It was a rock so it's not like it really could. 

"What would I get out of this?" Yoongi drawled. 

"A way home?" the rock suggested. 

The rock did make a very compelling argument. We're not going to question how this rock knows Min Suga genius jjang jjang man boong boong is on a horrifying acid trip mostly because I don't want to. And nothing makes sense in the Miraculous Ladybug show so it fits. Really though, why does no one question how the only girl in Paris with blue hair and pigtails looks like Ladybubs? 

Yoongi glared at the rock, with an expression similar to Markiplier when he was told proving he didn't lie to the police would be pretty cool, and said in the exact same tone as Mark, "Fine." 

Min Yoongi what have you done? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also it might be a little late to be mentioning this since it's happening in about a week PLEASE respect Yoongi's mixtape. Yeah the 'infires' jokes are funny and I'm throwing a bunch of BTS memes and jokes into this fanfiction since I'm not taking it seriously at all, but when Yoongi releases his mixtape please don't make a meme out of it. He's worked extremely hard on it and it's basically showing is what Yoongi's capable of doing. And I cannot stress enough that this is YOONGI'S mixtape not BTS. Treat it like he's not an idol rapper. 
> 
> Oh, and when he does release his mixtape do NOT ask when Rap Monster is going to release another one, or when J-Hope will release another mixtape. We already had that shit when J-Hope released his.
> 
> PSA over.


	3. Rock Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boulder mirakoolus is the STRONGest of them all.
> 
> Also some bee bitch appears even though her mirakoolus should be the snakeu mirakoolus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That moment you realise your only form of entertainment is listening to someone say Min Suga genius jjang jjang man boong boong for six minutes straight.

Yoongi couldn't believe he agreed to this. What had he done in life, besides plot his bandmates murders, to deserve this? Yoongi was a good person.

He was also talking to a fucking rock while on an acid trip, just mentioning this in case you forgot. 

"SO! How about it? Ready to transform?" the rock asked.

"No." Yoongi replied.

"That's the spirit! Now listen very carefully to me. You're miraculous makes you about as strong as a really sweaty troll who mounts horses in more ways than one. You don't want to cause more destruction upon this city so you have to be carefu- ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!" the rock yelled, noticing Yoongi was in fact not listening.

Yoongi's cellphone had came out of God knows where and allowed him to be able to see what was going on back in the real world. Currently, Jimin was taking a shit ton of selcas, some with what looked like Rap Monster running away with a look of pain and terror on his face. These selcas progressed to Jin and Jungkook chasing after Rap Monster, and then suddenly to J-Hope making stupid faces in the background, shielding the public from whatever Jin and Jungkook were doing to Rap Mon.

Jungkook was such a good son. He needed to tell Jimin to stop taking so many selcas. It made some of the fangirls really thirsty. 

"Hey Yoongi, say suiting up." the rock said. 

"Suiting up?" Yoongi asked, when he finally starting phase in again. 

Out of nowhere the rock flew into the chain, which Yoongi never actually took out of the box, leaving Yoongi alone in the room again. 

He shrugged and assumed that was the last he'd ever see of the rock. For whatever reason the world compelled him to, Yoongi decided to put the chain on. This ruined his life more than it had already been before. 

Out of nowhere, some Sailor Moon bullshit started and with many, many screams of agony Yoongi transformed into some rock themed super hero. Or he just looked like a skinny Korean version of Dwayne Johnson. Take your pick on which one is funnier. 

"What the everloving fuck?" Yoongi asked, in the most eloquent language the man could muster. 

To add to his high level of sophisticated vocabulary he added, "I look so fucking stupid. This isn't swag at all." 

Oh Yoongi. **forced pained laughter**

"I may as well get this shit over with." he decided. 

Instead of walking out the door like a regular human being, he punch through the wall. Very faintly in the background you could hear Nathan Sharp sing the One Punch Man theme song. Who's Nathan Sharp? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

Yoongi took his dear sweet time getting over to his new partners. Well hopefully temporary partners. Again, he wanted to get this acid trip done and over with so he could go back to making music with Bangtan. He wondered who was so incompetent that they had to get a man who was not even from this world to join their forces and defeat some asshole in bootlegged Dragon Ball Z cosplay. 

When he got closer to the Dragon Ball Z cosplayer, he could see Marionette in a spotted red jump suit and not acting like an idiot for once in her life, and Brady Bunch being equally as useless as he normally was. He wondered if they knew who each other was. Probably not because they're both pretty stupid. Within the 5.3 seconds of knowing them both, Yoongi was making that assumption. And it was a right assumption. 

Marionette, or as she's currently acting as, Ladybubs noticed Yoongi watching them with a resting bitchface and waved towards him. 

"Hey stranger. Can you give us a hand?" she asked. 

Yoongi could give her a finger, but that wasn't exactly appropriate, or warranted for the situation. Also she called him a stranger. She definitely didn't know that Cat Nerd was Brady Bunch. My God was she stupid. 

The Dragon Ball Z cosplayer, noticed Yoongi and started speaking way too quickly for people to understand. There was also something familiar about this person. Suspicious. Very suspicious. 

"Cat Nerd what does the akuma want?" asked Ladybubs. 

"I dun know. *insert shitty pun here*" Cat Nerd replied. 

Wow. They weren't stupid at all. They were completely incompetent sacks of shit.

"What up?" asked Yoongi to the cosplayer. 

"I'm the Dabber! I shall make everyone in the world dab!" the newly dubber Dabber replied. 

_Are you fucking serious?_ Yoongi thought. 

"Why do you want to make the word dab?" deadpanned Yoongi. 

"Because that bitch from Team _Valor_ called Team Instinct stupid." the Dabber replied. 

Yoongi blinked a couple of times, trying to take in the information he'd just received. He couldn't fathom how completely stupid this guy's reasoning was to be evil. More importantly, why this dipshit was destroying Paris if all he wanted to do was make people dab. 

Hold on. Dabbing? 

"BamBam what the fuck are you doing here?" Yoongi asked. 

"I am not BamBam! I am the Dabber!" the Dabber replied. 

"BamBam seriously I will tell Jr." Yoongi warned. 

Suddenly the akuma flew out of the Dabber leaving a pleading Asian boy in it's wake. The boy was dressed much better than when he was the Dabber, and actually looked like a human being. 

"No god please don't tell Jr I'll be a good boy!" BamBam pleaded. 

A look of confusion soon washed over his features, as he took a good look at Yoongi. 

"How do you know who Jr is?" BamBam asked. 

"I will kill you for teaching my dear son Jungkook about dabbing!" Yoongi hissed. 

"OH SHIT SUGA-HYUNG! I'M SORRY! DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!" BamBam screamed. 

Without any other warning, BamBam disappeared, leaving confused Ladybubs and Cat Nerd, and a seething Yoongi.

"So...you're name's Suga?" Ladybubs asked. 

"That has nothing to do with rocks though." Cat Nerd said. 

Yoongi flipped them off, not giving a single shit. 

Out of nowhere, a bee themed superhero crashed down in front of Yoongi and the other two heroes. The bee themed girl, swore profusely, while jumping up off the ground. She looked around quickly, resembling a deranged llama. 

"You're God is here! Where's the akuma?" she asked. 

Oh god it was the blonde birch from earlier wasn't it? Where was security when you needed them?

Or he could just One Punch her far away. That sounded like a better idea. 

He probably wasn't allowed to do that though, so Yoongi continued to stand there with a resting bitchface and waited for something, ANYTHING, else to happen. 

"I'm done." Yoongi said, walking away, after getting tired of the bee girl's endless bitching. 

And that is how Yoongi finally got his much needed nap. 


	4. Radon Ass Dream Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It probably wasn't a good idea for Yoongi to have that nap.

Cat Nerd and Ladybubs could only watch in horror as skater girl's brother chanted what was written on the papyrus. The papyrus in no way had anything intelligible written on it. In fact, it sounded like a bunch of names.

" Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora The Explorer. Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora The Explorer" he chanted, confusing everyone that was not in the Hetalia fandom.

The papyrus tore itself out of the akuma's grip and started floating in the air. A bright light starting filling the area. A kind of bluish light. But that's not really the important part.

Ladybubs and Cat Nerd gasped, when out of the blue light something was coming out. Oh my god the Pharaoh was going to have a bunch of minions to help him sacrifice Tumblr blogger girl to the Egyptian gods! NUUU HOW COULD DIS HAPPEN? They held their breath as the object coming out was finally starting to take form.

OH MY GOD IT WAS!

IT WAS!

...a...car.

That's right readers, a motherfucking car just straight up came out of an ancient Egyptian papyrus. The Pharaoh tried to look at the papyrus to see where he had gone severely wrong. Nothing was visible since there was a bright light and a car coming out of the thing. What exactly is the point of this? Good question! Here we go!

Following the car came a reject Santa Clause, super sonic Tracy Sketchitt, a girl in a gigantic mechanic suit, little Timmy's first OC, a woman in large body armor and a bootlegged version of Ryuk from the anime Death Note. The fate of the portal was left unknown and no further questions were asked about it.

All the people following the car seemed very confused. Clearly this was not what they were doing before. And if any of you know where this is going...I'm so sorry. I'm terribly sorry Junkrat.

"What just happened?" asked the bootlegged Ryuk. His accent reminded Cat Nerd of the Crocodile Hunter. Though the man's robotic limbs and lack of hair was kind of unsettling. Speaking of unsettling, little Timmy's first OC was standing...breathing heavily...and facing the two super heroes. Oh man this isn't going to end well.

"I...think we were just called upon by someone." Tracy replied.

No fucking shit Tracer, way to state the obvious. God fucking damnit this is why people hate you.

-

Okay now we get the obligatory real explanation of who the fuck these people are. I don't really want to explain but, again, this is obligatory. No one really knows why, nor does anyone really fucking care. You're all just supposed to suffer with me as I write the shittiest exposition ever for Overwatch.

Reject Santa Clause is actually a Swedish dwarf named Torbjorn and a Defense hero. He can make turrets of death and is one of the cheapest characters in the game. Still, everyone uses him since there's no character everyone hates more than Bastion. (At least I think he's a dwarf. Don't quote me on that.)

Super sonic Tracy is actually Tracer, but I think you got that from my last sentence before the obligatory exposition. She's British and annoying. STOP FUCKING GIGGLING YOU'RE TWENTY FUCKING SIX! GOD AND PEOPLE CALL 'S VOICE ANNOYING! FUUUUUUCK!

Anyways, Tracer is one of the offense heroes. She's kind of OP since she can go zip zop zippity bop around the map and turn back time. (Sound familiar? Timetraveller or whatever her name was.)

Giant pink mech girl is the person you turn the sound off for. Her voice lines are very cringey since she's the representation of professional gamers. (Oh hey nerd kid I didn't know you were DVa.) Yes, mech girl's name is DVa. She's the South Korean tank. Too much aegyo, too much.

Bootlegged Ryuk is actually my boo, Junkrat. The best character in the game. Totally not over powered. Best Defense player you will ever meet. He may or may not be obsessed with blowing things up, and he may or may not be a convicted criminal. (I still love you Junkrat.) Seriously though, he's the Australian pyromaniac who people are sure is only there because Overwatch was starting to take whoever they could get.

Lil' Timmy's first OC is actually named Reaper. He likes shouting 'Die. Die. Die' and likes killing people. He hates Overwatch, but hates losing and the Red team even more. No one really knows what he's doing here. No one questions it either. He's the Offense character with the best dying sound. It's just "ow."

And finally we have Ms Battle armor. She looks like a bootlegged Samus Aran. Be careful because you'll hear her ultimate A LOT. Since Pharah seems to be the only character to actually do stuff in the match, besides Junkrat and Mercy. Thanks Offense team.

-

The Pharaoh coughed a few disgusting sounding coughs, trying to get the team's attention. They all turned around to see a boy wearing a ridiculous costume that seemed to be mocking Pharah's culture. She frowned.

"I am the Pharaoh. Loyal minions, I need you to steal the jewelry off children for some weird man who talk to people through butterflies." he said.

Pharah continued to look at him in pure disgust, while the others, sans Reaper, continued to look on with extremely confused looks on their faces. No one could see Reaper's face. No one wanted to see his face. No one asked for this to happen...except maybe the Pharaoh but I'm telling you now this is not going to end well for him at all.

"I will protect the innocent. You mock my country." Pharah said.

"Did you not listen to a word I said? You are my minions. You will do as I say." the Pharaoh commanded.

"Yeah about that. We have a payload to escort and some people to shoot. Since every single one of us hates the red team and we don't want to lose, I'd suggest sending us back to where we belong so we can rub our victory in the red team's face." Junkrat replied.

"You. MOCK. My. Country." Pharah said again.

Cat Nerd and Ladybubs were ready to rush in and save the day, but were stunned by Pharah flying up in the air and screaming, "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!"

The Rocket Barrage came flying down upon the Pharaoh and Chloe who happened passing by at that moment, most definitely ending both of their lives.

The deaths clearly were triggering for Reaper and he started shouting, "DIE. DIE. DIE!" and began shooting randomly everywhere. The rest of the team released their ultimates too for some reason, leading to the complete destruction of Paris and the deaths of everyone residing in it. Junkrat seemed to be the most pleased with his work, smiling with a "It's a perfect day for some mayhem."

" DVa 1! Bad guys 0." DVa said.

"My beautiful turret." Torbjorn whispered, stroking the metallic object.

Tracer blinked, looking around Paris which was now reduced to rubble - aside from the papyrus.

"Seriously guys. How are we getting home?" asked Tracer.

-

Yoongi woke up with a start, completely disoriented by his surroundings. He had no idea what the fuck he just dreamed or why he dreamed it.

He began to sit up on the bed, only to notice the strange floating rock in front of him.

"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Yoongi screeched.

No. This horrible nightmare wasn't over yet.


	5. Horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoongi meets up with another friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, with the title if you don't know who this is going to be. I am disappointed.
> 
> Also Yoongi's mixtape is the shit! I died multiple times listening to it.

The rock could only continue to stare as Yoongi screamed in agony. It didn't know why he was screaming, or what was wrong with him. So he let the man scream. And scream. 

Okay seriously can you hurry up Yoongi?

"Kid. Can you stop screaming? You're going to bust a lung, or ruin your vocal cords. If either of those happen you'll never be able to rap ever again." the rock said.

Yoongi's screams finally started to die down, upon the revelation. Who would have thought that screaming hurts someone's vocal cords? Definitely not me. Nope. I am just an idiot who writes these pointless shenanigans due to boredom. Also because someone reads this for whatever reason.

Why?

"Anyways. Good job on...beating...the akuma. I don't really know what happened or what you did to make him disappear and stop being akumatized but hey you did it without anyone's help!" the rock said.

"BamBam ruined my son. It had to be done." Yoongi said, finally finding his chill for the first time in two chapters.

"Your...son. How old are you again?" the rock asked.

"Twenty three. And he's not my literal son." Yoongi replied, once again annoyed at a fucking talking rock.

"Maybe you should be more clear next time." the rock said. 

"Whatever. What do you want?" Yoongi asked. 

"Well for starters you have to go to school." the rock replied. 

Yoongi stares at the rock, questioning its sanity. He's mentioned many times now that he is twenty fucking three, so why does this rock want him to learn everything that he has learned in the past? No good reason? Okay I guess that means he's not going to school. Fuck that noise. 

He then picked up is phone to see what was going on in the real world again. There were more updates on BTS' official Twitter, mostly messages from Hoseok about the other boys practicing hard. There was one from Rap Monster pleaded for help, and apologizing to Suga. All the ARMYs seemed confused, since most of the replies to his tweet were the ARMYs asking what was wrong with Rap Monster...and Yoongi. No further information was given to them. 

Jimin posted another 17 selcas all over the place. Yoongi _really_ needed to tell him about his selca problem. 

Let's go see what someone else is doing. 

_Busby’s chair. Long ago, Thomas Busby viciously beat a man to death for sitting in his favorite chair. After being convicted of murder, he reportedly cursed the chair on his way to the gallows. He swore anyone who sat in his chair would suffer the same fate he was about to face. It is said… the chair is responsible for sending over 60 people to their deaths._

"What'd you say I wasn't listening?" asked Chloe the Bee/Chair hybrid kwami in front of her. 

Off in the distance you could hear someone yell, "SNIPER!" 

That was the last anyone ever saw of Chloe 'the Mayor's daughter' McAssholepants. 

No one gave a shit. No one gave a fuck. However people in the real world and near distant future for Yoongi gave a lot of shits about his mixtape. Someone protect this beautiful bean from all the wrongs in this world. 

"There's another akuma on the loose." groaned the rock, as the scene suddenly shifted back to Yoongi. 

The man in question looked up from his phone giving the rock a questioning stare then returned back to his phone. 

"Why should I care?" he asked. 

"You did amazing for your first time on the job. Cat Nerd and Ladybubs will probably need you again." the rock replied. 

"It's not my fault if they're that incompetent. BamBam was literally just trying to make people dab." Yoongi replied. 

"Just help them. It makes my job easier." the rock replied. 

Yoongi got up and looked out the window. The current akuma also looked like they stole their clothing from an offbrand 90's show and was wearing, what looked like, one of those horse masks everyone seems to have. 

"What the fuck?" Yoongi asked, thoroughly confused. He then shrugged it off, making his way towards the door. 

"Aren't you forgetting something?" asked the rock. 

Yoongi looked back at the rock with a thoughtful look on his face. He then looked down at his feet and noticed he wasn't wearing any shoes, like all sensible people in this world. Seriously who wears shoes in their house? 

Yoongi pulled on the dreaded pair of Converse and was soon out the door. The rock was left, floating in disappointment, wondering how Yoongi forgot to change into a super hero. The rock sighed and followed the Korean out the door. 

The first thing Yoongi noticed was this new akuma was VERY loud. The akuma was yelling, in what sounded like incoherent Korean, and making some horse noises in between. Suga was pretty sure he knew who this was eventually going to be, feeling his face grow grumpier as the seconds ticked on. Whatever Jung Hoseok was doing in his crazy acid trip dream was not going to go well for wither Yoongi or Hoseok. 

Ladybubs and Cat Nerd were already at Hobi's terrifying display watching in horror. Neither of them knew what Hoseok was saying, nor did they really want to. **For all the ARMY out there, imagine he's acting like he did in the Real War dance practice for War of Hormone.**

Ladybubs noticed Yoongi walking closer to the 'rampaging' Hoseok in horror. Her new love for all eternity was about to die by the hands of whoever this villain was. She had to save him. With a few twirls of her yoyo she was ready to grapple Yoongi to safety. 

Well if it weren't for Yoongi already talking Hoseok to normality...or at least what's normal for J-Hope. 

"Hobi, what the hell are you doing?" Yoongi asked. 

"Oh hi Yoongi hyung." Hoseok replied, smiling and waving at Yoongi, even though Yoongi couldn't see the smile through the mask. 

He pulled off the horse mask to show off his smile, which soon morphed into horror realizing it was Yoongi. 

"Wait Yoongi hyung you're OKAY!!! Oh my god everything is going horribly wrong without you! JInnie hyung and Jungkookie keep trying to kill Joonie because of the nugget incident 2.0!" Hoseok yelled. 

"Good. My child has been taught well. And Jin hyung too." Yoongi replied. 

"Aww Yoongi hyung you don't mean that." Hoseok said. 

The look Yoongi gave Hoseok was enough for him. Hobi cringed slightly, trying to escape Yoongi's judging look. He was unsuccessful. 

"Anyways...you may want to wake up soon. If you don't we might have to put your mixtape out ourselves." Hoseok said, trying to avoid any more conversation about Namjoon. 

"Don't you dare out my mixtape out, you little shit!" Yoongi yelled. 

Yoongi noticed his surroundings were very different again. He was back in his dorm room. 

A cowering Jimin quickly turned towards Yoongi, his face lighting up, and bounced towards the twenty three year old. 

"Yoongi hyung, you're awake! Quick Jungkookie's on a rampage again! Also are you okay? You were out for a couple of days." Jimin asked. 

"Let Jungkook do what he wants. And get out of my room. I have to work on my mixtape." Yoongi replied. 

Jimin smiled, and patted Yoongi's head. "Glad you're okay hyung." he said, before exiting the room. 

Yoongi sighed in relief. After he perfected his mixtape he's kill Namjoon. He was sure Jimin would tell the others he was alive. 

He grabbed his laptop from the floor, ready to become Agust D for a while. After all, the fans were waiting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue the awkward forced ending.


End file.
